千万别笑 3

    本书内容为幽默小故事，中英文版，开心学英语 。

    幽默故事，既开心快乐，又能学英语。

    

Thank God
感谢上帝
Dinosaur
恐龙
Accountant Worries
会计师的烦恼
Middle Management Tennis
中层管理人员和网球
Career Test
职业测试
Overworked
负担过重
Psychiatrists Convention
精神病医师聚会
Helping the Boss
帮老板忙
Skinny Lumberjack
干瘦的伐木工人
Interview
面试
Parrot Shopping
买鹦鹉
Engingeers Know Best
工程师理解得最透彻
Job Interview
工作面试
Joke on the Boss
和上司开玩笑
Salesman Power
推销员的能力
Colorful Interview
有趣的面试
Big Sale
大甩卖
Dead Politicians
政客之死
Silence in the Court
请在法庭上保持安静
……

FirstAid Hetp
Itwas a stifling hot day and amanfaintedin the middle of a busy intersection．Traffic quickly piled up in all directions．so a woman rushed to help him．When she kneltdown to 100sen his collar，a man emerged from the crowd，pushed her aside，and said，“It’s all right honey，I’ve had a courseinfirst aid”
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer at- tificial respiration．At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said，“When you get to the part about calling a doctor．I’m already here。
紧急救助
在一个非常炎热而沉闷的日子里，一位男士昏倒在一个繁忙的十字路口。路口各个方向的汽车马上排起了长队，堵塞了交通，就在这时一位妇女冲了上去对他进行救护。当她刚刚跪在地上松开了那个男士的领口时，一位先生从人群中冲了出来，把她推到一边说：“好了，女士，我学过急救课程，把他交给我吧。’
那位女士站了起来，看着这位先生试了一下这位患者的脉搏，并准备为他做人工呼吸。就在这时，那位女士拍了拍他的肩膀说：“你学过的急救课程应当讲过，你的工作应当到此为止，后面的事该找医生处理了，而我恰巧就是一名医生。”
Arizona Vacatiln
On doctor’s orders，Melling had moved to Arizona．Two weeks later，he was dead．His bodv was shipped back home，where the underraker prepared it for the services．
Melling’S brother came in to make sure er erything was taken care of。Would you like to see the body?”the unde~aker asked．
The brother replied，“I might as well take a look at it before the others get here．”So the un— dertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket．He stood back and proudly displayed his work．
“He looks good，”the brother said“Those twoweeksinAnzonawerejustthethingfor him．”
到亚利桑那州去度假
遵照医生的指示，莫林去了亚利桑那州。两星期后，他去世了。他的遗体用船运回了家，殡葬人员将在这里为他准备后事。
奠林的哥哥来了，想看看弟弟的后事是否操办得很精心。殡葬人员问道：“您想看看弟弟的遗体吗?”
莫林的哥哥回答道：“在其他人到来之前我是想先看看我的弟弟。”于是，殡葬人员就带他进了另一间屋子，然后把棺材的上半部分掀开让莫林的哥哥看，他自己退后了几步，对自己的工作成果很有些自豪。
没想到莫林的哥哥却说：“他看起来真的很好，看来到亚利桑那州度两周假对他来讲真的是一件好事情。”
Massaging a Stranger
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller，one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him．Surprised．the man in front turned and snarled．“Just what the hell you are doing?”
“Well，”said the guy，“you see．I’m a chiro— practor and I could see that you were tense．so I had to massage your back．Sometimes I iust can’t help practicing my art!”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied．“1 work for the IRS．Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”
为陌生人按摩
银行的窗口前排起了长长的队伍，有一个人突然间开始为他前面的一个人进行后背按摩。前面的那个人极为惊诧，转过身来吼道：“见鬼，你这个该死的想干什么?”
“哦，消消气，消消气。你看，我是一名手艺高超的按摩师，我发现你现在后背有些紧张和疲劳了，所以我给你的后背做一下按摩。没办法，有时候我总会忍不住露一露我的手艺的!”后面的那个人回答道。
“这是我从未听到过的、最荒唐的事情!我一直为美国国家税务局工作，你看到我压榨我前面的那个家伙了吗?”前面的那个人回应道。
Bad Aduey tising
A Psychotherapist，starting from scratch．was having such Success in his business that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner adve rising his wares．So he told a kid to paint the sian board for him and put it above his shop entrance．
But，instead of his business building up，it began to slacken He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after readinq the sign board．So he decided to check it out himseIf Then he began to understand whY!
The boy found a small wooden board s0 he hadto splitthewordin 3 places．
The sign read：
Psycho—
the—
rapist
糟糕的牌匾
一位心理治疗医师从白手起家做起，干到现在在业内已经小有名气了，他想为诊所做一块牌匾做一下宣传。于是他让一名广告店的新手为他制作了一块牌匾并放置在诊所入口处的上方。
但是，牌匾放上去后生意不但没有增加，反而有越来越少的趋势。他特别注意到，有些女患者到门前看完诊所的牌匾后，就有些害羞地离开了。于是他决定自己亲自去看看是怎么回事。终于弄懂了其中的原委!
由于制作牌匾的那个年轻人只找到了一块很小的木板，因此把诊所的名称分成三部分写了上去。
匾上写道：
这是位一
懂心理学的一
强奸犯。
……